1
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,871
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:08,273
[RUNS WATER]
3
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,296
[YAWNS]
4
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,165
Darrin,
is that you?
5
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,367
No, I left
half an hour ago.
6
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,368
Oh.
7
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,303
Hey! Hey,
sleepyhead.
8
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:41,740
Oh, honey.
I'm sorry.
9
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,509
I meant to get up
and fix your breakfast.
10
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:46,412
You were sleeping so
soundly and you looked
so beautiful,
11
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:47,913
I just couldn't
wake you up.
12
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,482
I'm not beautiful.
I'm sleepy
and I look awful.
13
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,717
Not to me
you don't.
14
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,852
You look more
beautiful every day.
15
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:54,853
Do I really?
16
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,555
Of course you do.
17
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,257
Oh, I'll try to get home
early tonight.
18
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,492
The Hotchkisses and the Tates
are coming for dinner.
19
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,729
And I'm looking
forward to them seeing
my beautiful wife.
20
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,397
I'll see you
tonight.
21
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,211
ENDORA:
Mirror, mirror on the wall
22
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:22,981
Who's the most gullible
of all?
23
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,183
Mother!
24
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,454
What do you mean "gullible"?
25
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:32,291
You're getting more and more
human every day, Samantha.
26
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,625
Thank you.
27
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:37,529
The way you lap up that treacle,
it's just pathetic.
28
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,465
Well, I may not be appealing
to you, Mother,
29
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,467
but Darrin thinks I'm beautiful.
30
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:44,636
Oh, he's not telling the truth,
and you know it.
31
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:45,904
[SIGHS]
32
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,973
Thank you, Mother.
You do say the nicest things.
33
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:51,577
Humans beings can't
get along without lying
to each other.
34
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,178
If they're forced
to tell the truth,
35
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,347
it's instant chaos.
36
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,949
That's not true.
37
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,150
Nonsense.
38
00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,419
They're all the same.
39
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:05,657
Every one of them.
Including your precious Dumpkin.
40
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,159
That's enough, Mother.
41
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,560
Very well, dear.
42
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,562
You'll see.
43
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:16,768
Hmm.
44
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:26,178
[♪♪♪]
45
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:05,150
[♪♪♪]
46
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,928
All right,
Hagatha.
47
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:17,563
Here it is,
Endora.
48
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,831
I'm so glad I had one
in stock for you.
49
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,367
These little truth gods
are hard to find.
50
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,237
I knew if anyone would
have it in her shop,
you would.
51
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,739
Nobody seems to be making
them anymore.
52
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,908
There's a lot of handwork
goes into them.
53
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,743
And this new generation
of witches
54
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,845
just doesn't have
the patience.
55
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,480
Where shall I put it?
56
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:39,051
Oh, uh...how
powerful is it?
57
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,119
Oh, not terribly.
Really.
58
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,188
It is very old,
you know.
59
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,991
But if a human comes within
three feet of it,
60
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,860
he'll just have to say
what's on his mind.
61
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,563
Oh, splendid!
62
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,166
May I see it, Hagatha?
63
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,167
Of course.
64
00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:00,339
Oh, it's a dear
little thing.
65
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,544
Put it on the desk,
Hagatha.
66
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,648
One more thing.
67
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:13,685
They do know what they're
saying, don't they?
68
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,953
Oh, yes.
69
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,189
And Samantha won't be
affected by it, will she?
70
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:18,590
Not at all.
71
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,159
She's still one of us,
isn't she?
72
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,729
Oh, of course.
Of course.
73
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,798
Now, would you like
a gift card to go
with it?
74
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,867
Oh, yes.
75
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,272
Thank you, Hagatha.
76
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,812
If I'm not prying
too much,
77
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,814
what did you put
on the card?
78
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,617
Oh, just, "Thought you
might be interested in this.
79
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,718
Uncle Herbert."
80
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,353
He's an uncle of
Samantha's husband
81
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,888
who travels around
the world a lot.
82
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:54,159
I'd rather my son-in-law
didn't know it was from me.
83
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,261
Remember...
if he doesn't like it,
84
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,897
you can always exchange it
for something else.
85
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,333
Oh, thank you,
Hagatha.
86
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,602
DARRIN:
I'll call him right away,
Miss Thatcher.
87
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,416
Hm.
88
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,584
Miss Thatcher, would you come
in here for a minute?
89
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,790
Yes, sir?
90
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,125
Uh, Miss Thatcher, how did
this package get on my desk?
91
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,028
Well, I don't know, sir.
I hadn't noticed
it before.
92
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,798
My Uncle Herbert's
full of surprises.
93
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,100
He always says--
94
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,735
[BELL DINGS]
95
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,304
That sure is a tight dress
you're wearing.
96
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,708
Your uncle always
says that?
97
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,409
And I second the thought.
98
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,379
Wow! That dress looks like
it was sprayed on.
99
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,980
I beg your pardon?
100
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,148
Yes, sir.
101
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,983
That is a tight dress,
is what that is.
102
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,585
[BELL DINGS]
103
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:56,154
Well, I'm sorry
if I'm wearing
something inappropriate.
104
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,557
Inappropriate?
Oh, oh, no, no.
105
00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,691
Not at all, Miss Thatcher.
106
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,226
That's a very
charming dress.
107
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,728
I shouldn't have
been so personal.
108
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,963
[BELL DINGS]
109
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:08,533
Well, I don't mind your being
personal, Mr. Stephens.
110
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:12,371
To tell you the truth,
I wore this dress
especially for you.
111
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,039
I hoped it would get to you.
112
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,108
It's two sizes too small,
113
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,009
and I thought it would be nice
for you to notice
114
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,277
that I was a woman.
115
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,579
Just once.
116
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,047
Uh, Miss Thatcher--
117
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,515
[BELL DINGS]
118
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,650
I-- I was just kidding.
119
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,653
Really. I don't know
what made me say that.
120
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,256
Yes, well, um...
121
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,325
that makes us even.
122
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:34,326
[PHONE RINGS]
123
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,627
I'll take that
in here.
124
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:36,695
I wish you would.
125
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,531
Mr. Stephen's
office.
126
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,267
Well, just a moment,
Mr. Burke.
127
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,635
I'll see
if he's in.
128
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,637
Mr. Burke wants to know
if you've done anything
129
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,139
on his advertising
campaign.
130
00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:49,574
I haven't done a thing.
131
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,943
I'd better tell him
I had the chicken pox
or something.
132
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,246
[BELL DINGS]
133
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,114
Hello, Mr. Burke.
How are you?
134
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,218
No, I haven't.
Not a darn thing.
135
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,022
Well, uh,
136
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,123
no, Mr. Burke.
137
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,658
I haven't forgotten
about you.
138
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,127
It's just that
I've been snowed under
with other things.
139
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,430
To tell you the truth,
I haven't been able to work up
140
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:13,098
any enthusiasm
for your product.
141
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,670
Now, look,
Mr. Burke,
142
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,139
we have a lot more important
clients than you, and--
143
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:24,109
The same to you,
buddy!
144
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,310
[SLAMS
PHONE DOWN]
145
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,479
Sorehead.
146
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,680
Am I mistaken,
147
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,782
or did you just
throw an account
out the window?
148
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,784
Yeah, I did.
And it's about time too.
149
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,352
What's the matter
with you, Darrin?
150
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,620
An account's an account.
151
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,522
But there are some that just
aren't worth it.
152
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:38,890
And this is one of them.
153
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,992
And what's more, you knew it
when you gave it to me.
154
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,594
That's very unfair, Darrin.
155
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,795
It's the truth.
156
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,131
I wanted the Hotchkiss account.
157
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,366
I know how to sell
that dishwasher of his.
158
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,902
And besides, a raise
should go along with it.
159
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,871
[BELL DINGS]
160
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,806
What's bugging you
this morning, Darrin?
161
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,741
I gave you the Burke account
because I thought
162
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:57,742
it was a challenge.
163
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:58,743
[BELL DINGS]
164
00:07:58,745 --> 00:07:59,945
And I want
no part of it.
165
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,647
That's a miserable man,
a marginal product,
166
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,318
and I have no intention
of knocking myself out.
167
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,654
And you can stop making
goo-goo eyes at
the Hotchkiss account,
168
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,523
because it's mine.
169
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,225
All mine.
170
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:15,894
Right, Larry. Sure.
171
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,129
And I hope you'll be in
a better mood when we come over
172
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,565
to your house tonight
with Mr. Hotchkiss and his wife.
173
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,568
Yeah, I'll try to be
a good boy.
174
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:24,936
Mm.
175
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:25,971
[BELL DINGS]
176
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:28,373
I'll see you tonight
at 7, Darrin.
177
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,776
I'm looking forward to it,
Larry.
178
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,927
[BELL DINGS]
179
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,296
Big shot!
180
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,799
What did you
stop me for?
181
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,601
What is it I'm
supposed to have done?
182
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,271
You know what you did, Mister.
You went through a red light.
183
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:00,739
That light
turned yellow
184
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,174
just as I was going
through the intersection.
185
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,544
It was red
all the way through.
186
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,546
It was yellow,
and you know it!
187
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,314
Come on, now,
tell the truth.
188
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,982
May I see
your driver's li--?
189
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:11,983
[BELL DINGS]
190
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,351
Yeah, it was yellow,
all right.
191
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,387
You admit it?
192
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:18,256
Yeah. You got me.
193
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,892
Then what did
you flag me down for?
194
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,761
Oh, I was feeling lousy and...
195
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,664
I just felt like I had
to hang one on somebody.
196
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,667
It always makes me feel better,
when I get this way.
197
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,535
Do you get this way often?
198
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:33,104
You would too.
199
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,840
I've got two enemies
who are trying to destroy
200
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,742
my natural good nature.
201
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:41,580
My sergeant by day
and my wife by night.
202
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,415
Well, you've got it rough.
203
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,550
Trying to keep people
from killing one another,
204
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:48,687
and all you get in return
is a nasty look for
all your trouble.
205
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,789
Gee, mister, you really
understand.
206
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,592
You know...you don't meet up
with your kind very often.
207
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,627
Well, I don't feel
this way very often.
208
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:58,930
Now, would you mind removing
yourself from my car?
209
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,031
I'd like to go home.
210
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,166
Okay, buddy.
211
00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:09,908
[BELL DINGS]
212
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,878
But don't go through
that light again,
213
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,313
or I'll throw the book at you!
214
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:22,988
Sam, I'm home.
215
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,823
Fine, Darrin.
Be down in a minute.
216
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:25,824
Okay.
217
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,371
ENDORA:
Yoo-hoo!
218
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,910
Hello,
David.
219
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,146
Did you have
a nice day?
220
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,182
Would you mind flying down
from your roost?
221
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,786
My, we are testy today,
aren't we?
222
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:58,690
I don't know.
I'm...just not myself today.
223
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,392
Oh, you're wrong.
224
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:03,361
You're very much yourself today.
225
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,196
Exactly what is that
supposed to mean?
226
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,331
Hi there.
227
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,566
Hi, darling.
228
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,336
[BELL DINGS]
229
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,937
What kind of a kiss
is that?
230
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,005
A cautious kiss.
231
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,407
I didn't want
a roller in the eye.
232
00:11:15,409 --> 00:11:16,808
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
233
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,309
But I had to do
my hair for tonight.
234
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,344
You don't mind,
do you?
235
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,012
Sure I do.
All men do.
236
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,982
If women only realized how
ridiculous and unfeminine
237
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,584
they looked with all that
hardware in their hair...
238
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,353
You want me to
look pretty, don't you?
239
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,288
Well, look at it
this way.
240
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:33,324
How would you feel
if I came tripping
down the stairs
241
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,493
with shaving cream
all over my face
242
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,762
and offered you
my forehead to kiss?
243
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,064
Darrin?
244
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,433
I wouldn't be at my most
attractive, would I?
245
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:44,235
No. And you're not
right now.
246
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:47,405
I find his honesty very
refreshing, Samantha.
247
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,406
Well, thank you,
Mom.
248
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,407
[BELL DINGS]
249
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,508
You're welcome.
250
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:53,812
Well, if this side of me
is so distressing,
251
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,480
I'll go back upstairs.
252
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,416
Oh, Sam.
Sweetheart.
253
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:00,318
Darling, you are
the one woman
in the world
254
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,786
who can get away
with it.
255
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,723
Even if you tried,
you couldn't be...
not beautiful.
256
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,091
Aw.
257
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,192
My! That's
the sweetest,
258
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:11,429
whitest little lie
I ever heard.
259
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,131
All right, Mother,
that'll do.
260
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,934
Oh, what's that?
261
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,270
Oh, that's from
Uncle Herbert.
262
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,572
It arrived at the office today.
263
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,340
[BELL DINGS]
264
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,943
Hey...you should have
seen the dress
265
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,045
my secretary
was wearing today.
266
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,080
Mm-mmm, boy!
267
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,617
Couldn't keep your eyes
off of her, I suppose.
268
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:34,486
Well, it wasn't easy.
269
00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,121
[BELL DINGS]
270
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:39,424
Of course, you can't
compare her with Sam.
271
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,126
Miss Thatcher's--
272
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,294
Well, you take her
out of that dress and--
273
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,100
Is everything set for dinner?
274
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,668
Yes.
275
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,937
Oh, darling.
276
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,973
Don't let a little
thing like that
bother you.
277
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,208
You know how men are
with their secretaries.
278
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,243
Now, wait
a minute!
279
00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,711
Wow.
280
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:02,247
Why don't you two
go on upstairs
and get dressed.
281
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,982
I hope you have
a lovely evening.
282
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,049
Well, thank you, dear.
283
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,584
Don't worry about
your mother.
284
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:09,988
I'll find something to eat,
someplace.
285
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,156
Okay,
fine.
286
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,791
By myself
somewhere.
287
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,626
Maybe I won't
bother.
288
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:17,428
When I'm alone,
I just don't
have an appetite.
289
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,799
Why don't you stay
and have dinner with us?
290
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:24,269
Oh, darling,
that's very nice of you.
291
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,070
Are you sure that
I won't be in the way?
292
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,639
No, no. Of course not.
293
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,707
The Tates love seeing you.
Don't they, Darling?
294
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:30,942
Oh. Oh, yes, yes.
295
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:34,979
They really, certainly,
really, really, really do!
296
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,015
Don't overdo it, dear.
297
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,950
Seven o'clock,
Samantha?
298
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,985
Yeah.
Seven o'clock.
299
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,689
Seven o'clock.
300
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,090
Oh.
301
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,699
Well, sir, I looked
that man straight
in the eye
302
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:57,502
and I said, "Sir...give me
a chance to prove to you
303
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,771
"that a six-year-old
boy can handle
304
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:01,639
the toughest paper route
in town."
305
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,842
He did.
And I did.
306
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,376
And that's how
I got my start.
307
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,112
Ed, that's
a wonderful,
heartwarming story.
308
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,347
Isn't it,
Darrin?
309
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,482
Certainly is, Larry.
Rice drink, Mr. Hotchkiss?
310
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,517
Oh,
thank you.
311
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,952
I'll have one,
Darrin.
312
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,054
Stephens, that's
a cute wife you've
got there.
313
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,723
Maybe she could help us
write a few slogans
for my dishwasher.
314
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:21,459
I'm afraid I'm not very good
at that sort of thing.
315
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,761
Yes, it does take
a little talent,
doesn't it?
316
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,096
Larry, that
reminds me.
317
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:27,432
I thought of
a great slogan for
my dishwasher today.
318
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,833
I'll let you
have it for nothing.
319
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,034
Great, Ed.
Let's hear it.
320
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,769
Everybody ready?
321
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,873
[SNAPS]
322
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,007
Frances.
323
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,742
You're absolutely right, Ed.
324
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,310
I haven't said anything yet.
325
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,014
What was the slogan,
Mr. Hotchkiss?
326
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,516
Well, this is going to
kill you.
327
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:46,684
Here's how it goes.
328
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:49,354
"Confucius say,
Don't be wishy-washy.
329
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:50,955
Buy a Hotchkiss
dishy-washy.”
330
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:53,591
[LAUGHS]
331
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:57,629
Hey, that's...
great, Ed.
332
00:14:57,631 --> 00:14:58,663
[LAUGHS]
333
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,098
Uh, Darrin,
make a note of that,
334
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,100
we'll discuss it
at the meeting tomorrow.
335
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,735
Sure.
Sure, Larry.
336
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,740
I won't have to make
a note of that
337
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,109
because...I won't
forget it.
338
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:14,913
How could I forget anything
as ridiculous as that.
339
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:15,947
[LAUGHING]
340
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,350
What was that
you said?
341
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:23,855
"Wishy-washy, dishy-washy."
You must be kidding, Ed.
342
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,191
TATE:
Now, Darrin...
343
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,160
you've got to admit
that it's pretty catchy.
344
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,762
[QUIETLY]
Watch yourself,
Darrin.
345
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,163
Don't get nervous,
Larry.
346
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,132
I know Hotchkiss
is a pet of yours.
347
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,200
[BELL DINGS]
348
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:37,869
That's right,
buddy boy.
349
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:40,939
And if anybody's
gonna laugh at
a pet client of mine,
350
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,206
it's gonna be me!
351
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,608
[BOTH LAUGH]
352
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,377
"Confucius
say..."
353
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,279
Did you ever hear of
anything as ridiculous.
354
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,481
I've heard
better ones from
a ten-year-old child.
355
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:51,849
[BELL DINGS]
356
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:55,887
Darrin...Larry,
don't tease Mr. Hotchkiss.
357
00:15:55,889 --> 00:15:56,921
[CHUCKLES]
358
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,990
They always do this
with a new client.
359
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,425
LOUISE:
It's a,
sort of, um,
360
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,760
fraternity
initiation.
361
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,663
Junior high school
fraternity.
362
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,499
You must lose
a lot of clients that way.
363
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:12,537
Oh, no. We only do it
to clients who have
a good sense of humor.
364
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,671
[LAUGHS]
365
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:14,772
Yeah.
Like you, Ed!
366
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:17,875
Yeah. Ha-ha!
367
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,711
Well, that's one thing
you can say about me
368
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,212
without fear of
contradiction.
369
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,213
Right, Frances?
370
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,215
Whatever you say, Ed.
371
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,317
A sense of humor
has always been
372
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,219
an important ingredient
in my success.
373
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,022
I've always been able
to laugh at misfortune,
374
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,190
even during
the grim days,
375
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,958
when I was
pulling myself
up the ladder.
376
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:38,563
Rung by rung I worked
myself up into the appliance
business, until--
377
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,398
Knock it off, Ed.
378
00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:45,436
What did you say, Frances?
379
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,939
You didn't work your way
into the appliance business.
380
00:16:47,941 --> 00:16:49,540
You were kicked into it
by my father
381
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,143
who gave you $25 thousand
when we got married.
382
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,145
How can you say
a thing like that?
383
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,179
It's very easy.
384
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,214
It's the truth.
385
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,382
But--
386
00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,785
Darrin...what'd you put
in those drinks?
387
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,820
I don't know,
but I'm willing
to give you odds
388
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,022
we never make it
to dinner.
389
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,556
Now...
390
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,025
Frances,
take it eas--
391
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,060
[BELL DINGS]
392
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,595
Give him
both barrels, honey.
393
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:11,662
You'll feel
better.
394
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:12,897
Louise!
395
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,665
You know, I've been
clamming up for years
396
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,068
while he's been
playing “I Love M”"
on his big trombone.
397
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,536
And don't you ever...
398
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,106
[SNAPS AT EVERY WORD]
snap your fingers
at me again.
399
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:23,107
[SNAPS]
400
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,476
[GASPS QUIETLY]
401
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:29,414
Say, why don't we all
have another drink, huh?
402
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,915
Samantha, is dinner
almost ready?
403
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,283
Hmm?
404
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,452
LOUISE:
Dinner may be ready,
but Frances isn't.
405
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:37,355
She has a few more things
to say. Haven't you, honey?
406
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,123
Hmm. Plenty.
407
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,525
But this will do for starters.
408
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:44,328
The odds against dinner
are going up.
409
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,664
I'll be going up
straight through
the ceiling
410
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:47,965
if you don't do something.
411
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,367
Okay, honey.
412
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,670
You know, uh...
a little bit
of frankness
413
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:56,074
can be a very refreshing
and healthy thing.
414
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,910
But a lot of frankness
is a gasser!
415
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,678
[LAUGHS]
416
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,781
What's come
over you?
417
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,283
You interrupted me.
418
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,918
Darrin!
419
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,352
You never talked
like this ever.
420
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:09,921
Well, it's about time
somebody did,
421
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,389
and it's about time
you listened!
422
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,390
Hold on, Darrin!
423
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:13,391
Darrin, listen--
424
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,625
You stay out
of this, Sam.
425
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,027
I can handle this,
Larry.
426
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:18,262
I think it's time for dinner,
everyone.
427
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,731
You might begin
by listening to your wife.
428
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,067
And then your advertising
representatives.
429
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:26,204
Keep going. Go on.
You're making lots of sense.
430
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:29,240
ED:
I've waited for years
for you to stop being
431
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,075
that silent, suffering martyr.
432
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:34,112
You picked a beautiful time
to turn yourself on.
433
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,847
Silent martyr?
434
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:38,816
Now, you
look here, Ed.
435
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,551
Now, just a minute,
folks.
436
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:41,652
[BELL DINGS]
437
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,788
I'm not finished
yet!
438
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,457
I think it's time
for dinner, everyone.
439
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,992
Larry?
440
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:51,629
Uh...I think we ought to
postpone this little
discussion until...
441
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,697
[BELL DINGS]
442
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,065
...right now!
443
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:57,068
There are ways and ways
of handling an account,
444
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,669
and I don't think
this is any of them!
445
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,571
DARRIN:
Now look, Ed,
we don't tell you how
446
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:01,873
to make
your dishwashers.
447
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,441
We don't have to,
you make a good one.
448
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,775
But we don't need
amateurs
449
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:07,078
telling us how to conduct
your advertising campaign.
450
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,213
Well, let's go in,
everyone.
451
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,182
We might as well
fight this out
over dinner.
452
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,684
Darrin, let him
tell him off.
453
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,052
It's his
account!
454
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,155
Louise, if
I want your help,
I'll ask for it!
455
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,158
You leave her alone.
She's a fine,
courageous woman.
456
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,760
Oh, for heaven's sakes,
where's your manners?
457
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,095
We're guests
in this house.
458
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:25,997
Oh, that's perfectly
all right, really.
459
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,431
This is
my house too,
460
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,901
and I give Frances
permission to say
anything she wants.
461
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:31,102
Go ahead,
Frances.
462
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:33,437
Well, why aren't
you laughing, Ed? Huh?
463
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,773
Where's that
sense of humor that
carried you through
464
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,176
those dark days
when you were
climbing that ladder?
465
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,677
[ALL ARGUE]
466
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,215
Why don't we let it wait
until after dinner?
467
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:46,484
[ARGUING CONTINUES]
468
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:54,792
Good morning,
daughter.
469
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:57,128
Good morning.
470
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,298
Is there anything
you'd like to discuss
471
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,499
with your dear
old mother?
472
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:05,570
Like last night's
disaster, for example?
473
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,738
Wasn't it awful?
474
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,174
Well, as I said,
that's what you have
to expect
475
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:12,276
when human beings
are forced to tell
the truth.
476
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,111
Oh.
477
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:19,951
[GASPS]
478
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:21,085
Mother!
479
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,454
Isn't that right,
my little friend?
480
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:27,024
Then Darrin's Uncle Herbert
didn't send that. You did.
481
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,659
That's right.
482
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:31,429
It's a little
truth god.
483
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,798
Hi, sweetheart.
Coffee ready yet?
484
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,433
No, I haven't put it
on yet.
485
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,969
Oh. Well, then,
how come--?
486
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:39,937
Oh.
487
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,873
Darrin...before you come
any closer,
488
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:47,078
I think you ought to know
that...Mother sent that.
489
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,382
And any human that
comes near it has to say
what's on his mind.
490
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:54,418
You see? They just can't
stand the truth.
491
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,987
Any
of them.
492
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:58,155
That was a mean,
low,
493
00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:00,057
sneaky,
underhanded trick.
494
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,525
Yes, it was.
495
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:03,995
And I'm quite pleased
with myself.
496
00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:06,197
It was at the party
last night.
497
00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:07,465
Mother kept it
rather busy.
498
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,300
That's what caused
all the trouble.
499
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,102
Oh, fine. Great.
500
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,503
Then all I have to do
is tell Larry
501
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:15,072
that we were all
under the influence
of a magic statue.
502
00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:17,074
He'll understand.
Simple.
503
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,609
Here's your chance
to explain.
504
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,279
He's coming up the walk
right now.
505
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:23,114
Have fun,
children.
506
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:24,115
Moth--!
507
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,183
Oh!
508
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:28,052
Darling,
I'm sorry.
509
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:29,053
It's all right.
510
00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:30,154
[DOORBELL RINGS]
511
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:31,188
[GRUMBLES]
512
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:39,630
Darrin...you made a fool
of yourself last night.
513
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,666
And you darn near
made one of me.
514
00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:44,168
Appeared to me
that everyone was doing
a pretty good job
515
00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:46,270
on themselves...
including you.
516
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,472
Oh, good morning, Samantha.
Lovely dinner.
517
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,142
If you want some,
it's still out in the kitchen.
518
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,879
I tell you, I stayed up
practically all night
519
00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:56,881
trying to calm down
Hotchkiss and his wife.
520
00:21:56,883 --> 00:21:58,949
Not to mention Louise.
521
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,918
Oh, I salvaged
the account,
522
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,554
but I do think I'm entitled
to an apology from you.
523
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,356
Well, Larry, I--
524
00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:08,492
SAMANTHA:
There's no reason
for Darrin to make an apology.
525
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,028
I'm afraid you'll just have to
get along without one.
526
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:13,497
Well, maybe I can
get along without him
at the office too.
527
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:14,832
DARRIN:
Why don't
you try?
528
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:15,933
You've got a deal.
529
00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:17,335
[BELL DINGS]
530
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:18,936
And it's the worst deal
I ever made.
531
00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:21,138
I need you
at the office,
Darrin.
532
00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:23,140
You know that.
I can't get along
without you.
533
00:22:23,142 --> 00:22:26,644
Oh, that's nice to hear,
isn't it, Darrin?
534
00:22:26,646 --> 00:22:28,479
What about
Mr. and Mrs. Hotchkiss?
535
00:22:30,216 --> 00:22:33,184
Well...
536
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:35,653
to tell the truth,
I wasn't up with them
last night.
537
00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:37,822
He called me
this morning.
538
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:40,624
It seems that they
continued the donnybrook
they were having
539
00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:43,828
last night and
cleared up a lot of
old misunderstandings.
540
00:22:43,830 --> 00:22:45,062
They're happy
as larks.
541
00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:47,398
Oh, how sweet.
542
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,066
Did they say anything
about Darrin?
543
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:50,768
As a matter of fact,
he did.
544
00:22:50,770 --> 00:22:53,003
He said Darrin was right
about the slogan,
545
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:56,006
and that we know more about
advertising than he does.
546
00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:58,442
He thinks Darrin's
a great guy.
547
00:22:58,444 --> 00:23:00,678
Well, that--
That's fine, Larry.
548
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,146
[BELL DINGS]
549
00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:03,981
You'll be down
at the office
later then?
550
00:23:03,983 --> 00:23:06,751
Of course, I will, Larry.
I'll be there.
551
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:08,486
As soon as
I get a raise
552
00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:10,855
and full responsibility
for the Hotchkiss account.
553
00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:12,156
What?
554
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:14,759
[SIGHS]
555
00:23:14,761 --> 00:23:17,395
You drive a hard bargain,
Darrin.
556
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,764
But okay.
557
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:21,432
See you
at the office.
558
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,613
Thank you,
sweetheart.
559
00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:36,747
Where's
the statue?
560
00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:39,750
Right here,
Mother.
561
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,719
You were
wrong.
562
00:23:41,721 --> 00:23:44,622
Nothing but good
seems to have come
from the truth.
563
00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:46,457
Well, you can't
win them all.
564
00:23:46,459 --> 00:23:48,292
Anything you'd
like to say, dear?
565
00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:52,296
Darling, you're
beautiful, sweet,
charming, adorable,
566
00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:53,664
and I love you
madly.
567
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:55,199
There,
you hear that?
568
00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:56,567
And that's
the truth.
569
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:59,236
But your mother is
an irritating,
meddling--
570
00:23:59,238 --> 00:24:01,172
Darrin.
I'm not finished
yet.
571
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:02,306
I'm gonna say
a lot more.
572
00:24:02,308 --> 00:24:04,542
Oh, no you're not.
573
00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,448
As I was saying,
574
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:13,918
your mother is an irritating,
meddling, nasty--
575
00:24:16,923 --> 00:24:18,889
Well, I guess I told her.
576
00:24:18,891 --> 00:24:21,192
Guess you did.
577
00:24:34,674 --> 00:24:36,474
[ENDORA CACKLING]
578
00:24:44,417 --> 00:24:47,551
[♪♪♪]